The Art of Living

Alert! Alert!

2012-02-28T08:26:00.004-08:00

Howdy Partner!

2012-02-15T19:56:00.003-08:00

Just back in the saddle from a trip to Columbia, MO for the first session in a series called Partners In Policymaking. An eight month segue of classes put on by the Missouri Developmental Disabilities Council, (formerly the Missouri Planning Council for Developmental Disabilities), to train people to advocate for others with disabilities.

Participants are by selection and are people with disabilities or parents of kids with disabilities.  It was an eye opening experience and I learned a lot not just from the great lineup of presenters who came to share stories and insight, but also from the diverse group of participants there to be educated. I also learned a lot from myself as I had to sleep and shower in a room with someone I had never met before.   Out of all the valuable information garnered from that weekend, the most humbling piece I came back with is how much I have yet to learn about life in general.  I used to think I knew everything too. Just ask my family.

Anyway, it was a two day boatload of information to process with tons of practical info to pass along.   Common sense stuff that somehow falls by the wayside for a lot of us, me included. I will be sharing lessons from those two days over the course of time, but one that stands out prominently and needs immediate attention is "People First!"

I am extremely embarrassed to say as someone who endeavors to promote inclusion and diversity, I had never heard this term before in the context it was used. People first. People are people first.  Some people have disabilities but their disability is not who they are. It is just one of the attributes of their person and does not define them. This is all true and what it boils down to is we need to quit stereotyping.

First of all, let's get this straight.  I am not talking about listening to music at high decibels while typing on a computer.   I do that all the time. I am referring to the BAD habit of attaching labels to people. Labels emit images in people's minds.

Examples:

The Irish actor that plays in those movies...(A roguish character actor potraying Irish speaking film, stage or TV roles).

The crippled girl at school...(A sickly, pathetic sounding female figure; a morbid individual, roaming the halls of school with a ball and chain rattling behind her).

I once read that Cillian Murphy, the actor, doesn't like to be referred to as an Irish actor. Even though he was born and raised in Ireland, it makes sense if you think about it; he doesn't want to be stereotyped in his work. He is not ashamed of his Irish heritage, but he doesn't want to be identified solely by that attribute of his person.   If he marketed himself as "the Irish actor, Cillian Murphy", casting agents and directors might think the only roles he could play would be those of Irish men, and that is not the case with him at all. Although he does have a very heavy Irish accent and can play Irish characters very well, he speaks fluent French and can mimic a great American dialect no problemo. As a result he is a much sought after actor and has had great success portraying a wide array of diverse characters--not just one. He is a person first, with many talents and traits, and that is how he wants to be known.

Cillian Murphy: he is an actor, from Ireland. If you don't know who he is, he's the guy who played Scarecrow in Batman Begins. Yep, that's him. Dr Crane. Bet you couldn't even hear his Irish accent in that movie!

The same goes for people with disabilities.  People have names first and that is how they want to be recognized. NOT like in the following fictional example of dialogue between a couple planning a birthday party for their school aged child and her classmates.

"Is that everybody? Hmm...Hmm...Hmm...Who else is there? Oh yeah...what's her name...the handicapped kid?...You know...the little crippled girl?....The one with special needs?!! What's her name? You've seen her. The one with the walker! What's wrong with her, again?...Is she retarded?... "

"Oh, I can't remember...I don't know what's wrong with her. Oh...are you sure? Should we invite her to the skating party for little Lulu? She doesn't fit in with the other kids. Maybe we shouldn't. She'll never know."

"No. I guess not. What would she do anyway? Besides that, Lulu might catch what she's got!"

A sad story indeed. This one has a better ending:

"Hey, you know who we forgot!?! Phoebe! What about Phoebe?"

"Oh my, garsh! How could we forget Phoebe!!! What were we thinking!?!  Although... wait a minute...is she going to be able to participate in the skating part of the party? Remember... she has some special gear so I don't know how well that will work for her with skates."

"You're right. Maybe we should come up with a different party idea so she can participate too?   She might feel funny sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else whizz by while she just sits there. She might get lonely!"

"We can't leave her out, the kids love her!!!  Hey! I know! What about that new cupcakery around the corner?!"

"Awesome! I love it! Great idea! This is going to be a blast!"

The little "crippled" girl:  A figment of the couples imagination who never materialized because she was forgotten.    The parent's antiquated and archaic attitudes, language and actions toward others with disabilities her kept her weak and pathetic in their minds so they never allowed their little Lulu to be near her.  The family never fully matured. The little girl on the other hand, is doing quite well...

Meet Phoebe (pronounced fee bee): A female with a congenital physical disability. It's nothing contagious, it's something she was born with, like her brown hair.  With her mobility equipment at the ready, she's a girl on the go and always up for adventure.  She doesn't let anything hold her back from having a great time! It's the WAY she is, not the "what" she is that makes this square bee stand out from the crowd! psst...(She reminds me a lot of my daughter!)

Stereotyping is what is wrong!  It is detrimental to social development and holds people back. Don't let it happen in your household!

The holidays are over, a new year has begun...

2012-01-13T07:30:00.000-08:00

Start the year off on the right foot by remembering to say "Thank You" with a nice handwritten note to anyone who sent you something or did something nice for you over the holidays.

Keep it short, sweet, to the point and don't forget to mention the gift or action you are thanking the person for in the first place.

It will make a big impact! Remember the smile you have on your face when you get something addresed to you in the mail that has a nice message. You will be giving that same smile to someone else just by taking a few minutes out of your day to do this!

Happy Day to you!

An A "Typical" Day...

2011-10-25T14:15:00.000-07:00

We are officially past the first quarter of fifth grade and let me tell you it has flown by! As we anxiously await the first report from the head honchos at school I am happy to declare...

Our morning routine is pretty much down to a science--with minimal reminders:

• Wakes to alarm
• Makes bed
• Stretches & exercises
• Bathroom
• Gets self ready
• Watches a little news
• Eats a healthy breakfast
• Bathroom
• Bus
• Coffee break-(mom)

Like clockwork!

Yes, lots of independent behavior being demonstrated at our house. It is making life easier for all of us. The really good news is we haven’t missed the bus yet!

Homework is proving to be the biggest challenge:

A News Flash!!!

Listen up kids! Are you bringing all your homework home? Study Guides are homework! Make sure those come home too!!!

Tips for making the most of homework time...

Keep a neat and tidy workspace. Nothing else in your way to distract!
Two SHARPENED pencils on the table, a good eraser and lots of scratch paper!
Don’t just fill in the blanks!!! Read the problem, equation or question and re-read it until you have grasped how to do it.
Work the problem on scratch paper until you have the correct answer.
Transfer correct answer with a clean copy of your work to the homework sheet.
If you need help ask for it from someone who is going to be able to help you!
Don't let homework time drag on for eternity! Complete your work in a reasonable amount of time so you can do something fun afterwards.

The key to a successful homework team is making sure the person DOING the homework is actually the same person sitting in the classroom during the day, aka "The Student".

The other half of the team, commonly referred to as "The Helper", should sit down with the scholar, read through with them what they are supposed to do, and help them with the FIRST problem, if they need it that is! Show them how to do it by helping them figure it out. If they don't need help, follow up with them when they are finished to make sure it is all complete.

We all know it is impossible to comprehend what to do, especially if you have no idea where to start in the first place. That being said...

A Note to Helper:

If YOU need help do not be afraid to ask either!  You will be setting a good example! Search for examples online, use the resources provided by school or ask the teacher.

Yes, school work definitely takes priority but extracurricular projects and events are held in high regard as valuable experiences for development in our household. Social development!

Opportunities for peer connections beyond the classroom or daily schedule are vital to developing fluent social skills. Making friends with people outside of the routine creates a camaraderie that extends beyond the school age years and aids in building confidence, independence and self esteem. It also provides a route around cliquey behavior patterns because there is always an assortment of individuals from a mix of cultures to keep things interesting.    If you never take the time to get to know people beyond your usual group of friends, you risk suffering the ails of culture shock when you get in unfamiliar situations.

Culture could be referred to as the study of how families and groups of people operate. In includes understanding religion, language, art and how people treat each other every day. Their typical ways of doing things, how they live among themselves.

Culture Shock occurs when people from different groups interact and collide because of lack of interaction or knowlege about the other. This can lead to scenes both embarrasing and disastrous! Others appearances, ways of doing things or communication may seem atypical or even plain weird to some people! Not so! Just different!  And there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that! Who wants to be just like everybody else anyway!

Careful observation--but not staring, pointing or whispering-- and an open mind are must haves when navigating new experiences.  As unique individuals we are all atypical, or different, in our own way.  Sometimes our differences are obvious and sometimes not.   When going into a new situation, it is extremely important to assess and not assume.  Otherwise you risk saying or doing something that is going to make you look really stupid and the people around you feel very uncomfortable.

My dear friend Tom showed me an equation one time and it has saved my bee-hind many times:

He said to me..."when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me". You know what? He is right!

Exhibit A:

ass = u + me

Don't let this happen to you! When in doubt follow the lead of someone you admire.   (Thanks Tom!)

If you are just hanging around the same people every day, imitating a single, exclusive behavior and shunning others because you don’t think they are cool enough to be seen with, you are stunting your artistic growth by limiting yourself as an individual.

It’s okay to admire something about another person and like the same sorts of things. But following the lead of one person, never allowing anyone else in because they don’t look, dress or act the same, is nothing short of becoming a mass production. A copycat! Bee an original! Embrace your independence and individuality!

On the other hand, not hanging around anyone else period because you don't want to can lead to a very lonely life. Not to mention...

BEE-O-R-I-N-G!!!

For crying out loud!!! If someone is reaching out to you, make the time to find out what they’re about! Maybe you have something in common! Take a chance! You will never discover this unless you make the effort! And would you really pass on a chance to make a new friend?

Whatever you are doing, go beyond your daily routine and don’t get stuck in a rut! A fun way to do it is pretending you are a field reporter and collecting info for a great story.

If there is a group activity you want to participate in but the rest of your “closest” friends don’t want to, do it anyway!
Afraid of trying out for the choir because you think your voice is crackly and you're afraid you might actually be heard? Who cares! Give it a try! The person teaching the class will help you!

Whatever you do, do not let fear of messing up or making mistakes hold you back! Otherwise you will never learn how to do anything!   Life is one big school and we are all students and will continue to be as long as we live... so get used to it!  No one is perfect! And besides, there is perfection in imperfection and fun in making mistakes! It's called learning!

Living life to the fullest and meeting new people opens a world of possibilities.  Plus, you get to see how other people live/le live, it helps you to appreciate what you do have because not everyone has the same and there is always something to be thankful for. A smile or fun time shared can change lives!

If nothing else, it certainly will provides you with plenty of stories to share at the end of the day with the people in your own culture!

And who knows!?! You just may inspire them to do some field reporting of their own...

Bee a star by being who you are!   Bee Atypical!

Dare to bee square Daddy-O!

Back to School! A Must Have...Awareness!

2011-08-24T06:20:00.001-07:00

Well- it's that time of year again! The bus just left the driveway. I can't believe it- time goes by so quickly! 5th Grade!!!...

No time for boo-hooing about growing up too fast here! Lots of good things on the horizon as we connect with old friends and new faces. Opportunities to stand out from the crowd and shine like a star wait at every turn!

It's very exciting but one of the most important things to remember is to be aware- be aware of the world around you. It's always moving and constantly changing, so stay alert!

Here are some handy dandy tips for being a "Do":

When you get out of bed in the morning make sure you put your best face and body forward! Demonstrate respect for yourself and those around you by taking pride in the way you look-- and smell! Before you walk out the door...

Make sure your teeth are brushed and flossed- no one wants to smell stinky breath or look at last nights dinner or worse yet, a mouthful of scummy buildup. Ga-ross! Taking proper care of your mouth will keep your smile nice and bright! Let it shine!

Did you put deodorant on after you showered? If you showered the night before, put it on again in the morning because your body sweats a lot when you sleep and you need to reapply. When in doubt think about how you react to body odor on someone else- keeping in mind it is never acceptable to make fun of someone who does have an unpleasant odor about them. Often times people have medical issues that cause them much embarrasment but can't be helped. Talk to the school nurse about someone else's body odor- not your friends.

What about your nails? How do they look? Dirty? Jagged? Teeth marks? Fix em! Don't walk out the door with hands you wouldn't want to shake yourself! Besides...your hands are tools for creating a masterpiece and they need to be kept in mint condition!

Hair? Keep it clean! Your head sweats like crazy so make sure you really scrub your scalp when you wash it! Bedhead be gone! Run through it with a brush, comb or even your fingers depending on your hair type. Also, keep it out of your eyes! Hiding behind a curtain of hair makes eye contact extremely difficult! And we all know how important that is! Eye contact! Eye contact! Eye contact!

When you get dressed do so with pride and make sure your clothes are clean and not wrinkled, otherwise it will look like you just pulled them out of the dirty laundry. One of the most important things to remember is: it's not what you wear, but how you wear it that counts. So what if you don't have the hottest trends or the same brands your friends do! Whoever bought the clothes on your back worked hard for the money to buy them so wear them proudly! There is no fun in looking like everyone else anyway! There IS fun to be had shopping thrift stores and vintage boutiques! After all, it's a form of recycling and you can find one of a kind pieces that few are likely to have -- plus it's a great way to develop your own style.

When you get to school be aware of the people around you. If you have special equipment you use to get around, make sure you follow the rules of the road. Pretend you are driving a car and do your best to stay to the right when traveling down the hallways or aisles. Don't stop abruptly if you are leading a line because you might get rear ended and cause an accident! And watch out for toes! Don't run over anybody!

If you don't have special equipment- watch out for those who do! Help them with doors or get something out of the way for them if they need it moved. Ask if a person needs help before you do this though; they may or may not want to try and do it themselves first.

See someome sitting alone or who looks like they need a friend? Pretend it's you and think how you might feel if you were that person, then be a leader and go strike up conversation with them! It could lead to a lifelong friendship! You will never know till you try!

Planning a celebration and want to invite the kids in your class? First and foremost: take into consideration who is in your class and what they can or can't do. Make your plans around the abilities of everyone so they all can participate in the good time to be had at your star party!

The most important thing to remember when you walk out the door in the morning is to bee a star by being who you are!

Dare to bee square Daddy-O!

See ya!

Bye kid! Have a good day! Don't forget your manners!...

2011-03-29T10:19:00.000-07:00

and make eye contact!...

Why is eye contact so important?

Because how will someone know you are speaking to them if you aren't looking them in the eye?!? Also, they may question your sincereity.

Bottom line is this....

If you have something to say- no matter what it is- whether it's simple conversation or something that is making you really nervous that you need to get off your chest-

Stand tall with shoulders back and good posture
Look the person you are addressing straight in the eye!
Use your best voice and speak clearly and audibly- no mumbling!
Say whay you have to say!
Be a good listener and take the time to hear and comprehend what the other person says in reply.

One of the most important things about communicating with others is being a good listener. When you are finished speaking really focus on paying attention to what the other person is saying- don't be preoccupied with what you are going to say next or what you are going to order from the cafeteria when you get there! Live in the moment you are in and show the other person the respect they just showed you as they gave you their full attention.

This is fail safe because isn't this how you would want to be treated! It's the Golden Rule at work! Try it out and let me know how it works for you!

Till next time!